Having a toddler is no joke. Every morning I wake up wondering if the adorable, sweet little girl will be spending the day with me, or if it’ll be my emotionally unstable, tiny dictator. As I adjust to life with a toddler, I’m learning most days are an emotional roller coaster. Today was just one of those days. Within a matter of minutes, my daughter had head butted me (not once, but twice), and had given me a fat lip and black eye. Oh, and the dog farted right in my face to top it off.
If you’re in the golden-stage with your 12-18 month old, here’s some situations you will most likely endure in the near future:
•Don’t bother trying to make them a nice meal. You’ll end up making 10 different dishes – all of which will be rejected. Just make them Mac & Cheese. Kids love that shit.
•Toddler’s take that saying ‘What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine’ to a whole new level. Everything is theirs. Can’t always fight it, just chose your battles wisely.
•They start talking in their sleep and you’ll soon realize that even in their dreams they’re little brats.
•Forget about keeping a clean and tidy house. A day at home with a toddler is more or less like a day with Tasmanian Devil. They’ll tear through the home shrieking and spinning about. Picking anything and everything up and depositing it elsewhere.
•Asking them to put their shoes on will seem like you’ve asked them to rip off their toenails while doing so.
•The first time they climb out of their crib will undoubtedly be in the middle of the night. They will come flying into your room screaming like a wild banshee. You will surely think they’re possessed. It’s 3 am, your heart is racing, and last you remembered your toddler was peacefully sleeping in her crib.
•Daily they will surprise you with words, or expressions that have come seemingly out of nowhere.